WHAT APPEARS TO BE

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a conversation where the other person has nothing but “backward focused” things to say? Like a garbage collector they sift through the trash of the past, as if by turning it over they might find some hope.

Of course, the only hope you’re thinking about is “there must be some way out of this conversation.”

WHAT MIGHT BE

The average person, when in such a predicament, follows their focus (it’s what our minds naturally do). And as a result, they quickly become a thought-garbage collector themselves. Now it’s not a solo – where one person is singing the “what’s wrong with the world” song, it becomes a choir, as an entire group of people are doing nothing but complaining.

When I find myself living such an average life, I laugh at myself on the drive home. How dare I complain about how much I have to do, and how &%$#* my life is, when the truth is this: it was only I who didn’t have the discipline to control my focus.

WHAT CAN BE

A man named Bob recently said, “When we find the conversation becoming negative there is something we can do.” We can stop the garbage collecting by “simply asking them, ‘What’s important?’ or ‘What do you want?’ And then, after that, we can ask them, ‘Why?’”

I know Bob and he’s not your average leader. He has delivered stellar results for his company for nearly 35 years. He said, “If we can get them focused forward, on what’s important and what they want, we can then begin to identify what they can do about it and how they can move forward. That’s the only way we’ll ever deliver solutions.”

Simple questions that help people out of the garbage: What do you want? What’s important to you? Why?

Know anybody that could use a lifeline?

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”? You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

How often do you find yourself angry? In those moments when you are angry, how quickly are you able to let the anger go and move forward?

Today, observe how many people spend time being angry. Curiously, these people dismantle their ability to get anything done – and ruin their chances of enjoying the only day they’re guaranteed.

WHAT MIGHT BE

When angry, I often try this strategy: I’m going to stay angry with the person until they change. No surprise, I have a success rate of 0%. And the not-so-funny thing about this is: I’m the only one whose day is ruined.

Anger is not a leadership tool. Rather, it is blazing neon sign telling the world that we are momentarily disabled. And if we’re emotionally illiterate – and we stay angry – we begin the work of disabling others.

WHAT CAN BE

Enlightened leaders know that anger is a mask for another emotion. Those around us who are emotionally literate, when they feel anger, immediately decode their anger. They ask themselves, “What am I really feeling?” and “What is really bothering me?”

Of course, once they have the answers to these questions, they can do something about it. More often than not anger means we’re afraid of something…afraid we’re not going to finish the project on time, afraid we won’t get the recognition we want, afraid someone won’t behave the way we expect them to.

Perhaps the reason we think we’re angry is because then we’re not responsible. Any other emotion means we have to change first.

Think you’re angry? Think again.

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

A reader writes, “You can’t be positive all the time. You have to be down once in a while, you have to have bad days, so that you can be up, too.”

Really? Who says?

WHAT MIGHT BE

Have you ever noticed that the people in your life who are challenged with maintaining productive attitudes are the ones who find ways to rationalize their poor attitudes? We can rationalize anything.

The truth is, because it is a choice, we can be “up” whenever we want to. This fact irritates those who haven’t cultivated the skill to execute the attitude of their choice. So, they defend themselves by rationalizing that a poor attitude – and more often than not, poor behavior – is justified.

I know this, because I play this game.

WHAT CAN BE

I recently listened to a person, who is largely responsible for contributing to the poor results her team is delivering, say “I’m a pretty positive person, but there are just times when you HAVE to vent.”

The blood left my face. How many times have I felt that I’m a pretty good guy, but then rationalize garbage talk by stating, “…but let me tell you what irritates me about him.” I then proceed to dump crap, only to wonder why my life becomes so miserable in those moments.

I am learning. In those moments, in those Magic Moments, I can rationalize my poor attitude, BUT then I must understand that I can’t complain when things are falling apart around me. I – ME – I am the one who created the conditions. And it all began by rationalizing my “need to be down sometimes.”

If we have to be “down” a certain percentage of the time, why don’t we decide, upon awakening each morning, which hours through the day we’ll commit to crap. Scheduling misery…hmmm. Talk about a life dedicated to mediocrity.

There’s a better approach.

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

I’ve got a relative who lives in a panic. Cut like Zeus, smart like Socrates, and witty like Twain, you’d think the man could conquer the world.

Alas, he hasn’t. Nor does he deliver stellar results. And sadly, he’s rarely happy. Why? Because he hasn’t conquered the demons in his head.

WHAT MIGHT BE

My relative longs for perfection. If something isn’t completed perfectly, he feels it reflects on his inadequacies. And so he walks away, slumping and angry.

Fact: business is no longer about finish lines. Life has become so fast we are seeing evolution right before our eyes. Conversations, projects, objectives, goals, relationships – everything – is about adapting, moving and renewing. It’s not about finishing. It can’t be.

WHAT CAN BE

If your widget rolls out the door successfully, celebrate the fact that you’ve earned a ticket to do it again – better. My relative, the perfectionist, celebrates because he’s done. But who wants to be done?

The fun comes in the run. The fun comes in seeing what’s next and doing it – the conversation, the project, the financial quarter – better than you did last time.

Forget perfection. Concentrate on being extraordinary. Moment after moment, we can be extraordinary in our actions.

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be"?  You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

I just spoke with some professionals who shared their anxiety and dread for upcoming performance reviews. These were people whose performance will be reviewed; those conducting the reviews were equally fretful.

Why all the gloom? Answer: who likes talking about personal and professional shortcomings?

WHAT MIGHT BE

The savvy leaders reading this will laugh: the performance reviews they participate in are small affairs; they have established communication with those above and below them where information flows fully, freely, and is two-way. Therefore, the performance review becomes merely an activity to satisfy HR.

WHAT CAN BE

What does this mean for the rest of us? Build and nurture communication year-round with those we see in our performance reviews – above or below – so that performance reviews become physicals, and not autopsies (figuratively speaking, of course).

Also, in your upcoming performance review, here’s a challenge: drop the word ‘but.’ “You’ve done a nice job here, but…” is outdated, caustic, and reflects someone who hasn’t stretched their own leadership skills.

Instead, use a clear statement that discloses two things:

1. What’s important (Example: “It’s vital that you further develop your communication skills…)
2. Why it’s important (Example: …because this will impact all your project leadership work.”)

That’s it. In one sentence, address the need. And then do something exceptional leaders do: honor the person you’re in the room with. How? Ask them for their thoughts.  (Example: "What plans do you have to move forward in your communications with others? What do you think will be the greatest rewards by improving in this area?")

People are smarter than we give them credit for. What do you think?

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

Everything around us is getting faster. But what has not evolved? What is literally holding the whole world back? Leadership. How we lead others and ourselves. In the last Tall Guys Blog we discussed how EVERYBODY is talking about how important results are – yet few people are effectively addressing the one thing that determines the results we get: leadership.

WHAT MIGHT BE

We will not see an evolution in leadership by judging those who use outdated leadership tactics. Because we go toward our focus, any criticism and flaw-assessment of such people will only secure a future much like today.

WHAT CAN BE

Believe it: the great change in leadership is an action item on each of our agendas. It begins with our thinking, and is grounded in the value we all have: to build others up rather than beat them down.

The key lies in our ability to assess our responses and how our actions affect those who lead us. This much is true: continued poor behavior from our leaders is guaranteed when we focus on their POOR behavior. Fortunately, the opposite is also true.

It all comes down to this: focus. The more skilled we are at controlling our own, the more apt we are to successfully guide focus and energy in others. Do you want to see the leadership in your organization evolve? Use these steps:

• Start by focusing on where you do see outstanding leadership.
• Begin a subtle but powerful campaign: launch conversations with others that address outstanding leadership and what’s possible in the future.
• Ask others questions so you can foster the idea of growing a culture of leadership.
• Celebrate the progress your organization makes in developing greater leadership habits.

You’ll notice that most organizations take the complete opposite approach of the four actions steps above. What approach are you taking?

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

“It’s all about results.” It seems everyone is saying this. But, what happens if EVERY organization is screaming for greater results? What, then, separates one person or one organization from another? The answer, obviously, lies in how those results are achieved.

WHAT MIGHT BE

Our interviews reveal that most people in business attempt to deliver results by playing with spreadsheets, making demands, telling others what to do, relying on external motivation, hoping, and using the threat of consequences, among other strategies. These age-old tactics, and the toxic culture they generate, get handed down from one generation to another. So do the average results they deliver.

Yet business is evolving at lightning speed. In addition, technology has advanced so much that it has to wait for us. And communication? The speed of communication is allowing us to do more than ever imagined.

But what has not evolved? What is literally holding the whole world back?

Leadership. How we lead others and ourselves.

WHAT CAN BE

That is about to change. Leadership is on the verge of leaving the Dark Ages, and every one of us has the ability to help make that happen. No longer does the command-and-control or carrot-and-stick style of leadership cut it. No longer does insulting others by telling them what to do get us where we need to go.

How tired of this approach are you? Most people are becoming immune to it. They are sick of leaders who worry only about themselves and the bottom line. They want more. They want leaders who think holistically, who think about the workplace culture, who think about families. They want leaders who involve them, acknowledge them, guide them, inspire them, and deliver more for them.

How we work for results determines the type of results we get. In the next Tall Guys Blog we’ll describe what the average Joe must do if they want to change the leadership around them.

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”? You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

“I can no longer trust him,” the middle manager told me, shaking his head. “He’s ruined it. And he’ll never have my trust again.”

We all know trust is important. But what is trust?

WHAT MIGHT BE

Too many people interpret trust to mean “the other person does everything they say they’re going to do.” This definition is dangerous, because it is blurred with another definition: “The other person will do everything I expect them to do.”

This means trouble. How many people do everything they say they’re going to do? (This is probably a short list.) Next, ask yourself how many people you know who do everything you expect them to do? (Is there anyone on your list?)

When someone says, “I don’t trust him,” are they actually saying, “I’m not willing to accept that person as they are or the past as it is?” As poor as this choice is, at least we’re being honest. Trust is no longer the issue – acceptance is.

WHAT CAN BE

The biggest cost in not trusting someone is not the imaginary penalty we place on others. Most likely, the person in question couldn’t care less. The penalty is often paid by us. In deciding I don’t trust someone I default to carrying around anger and resentment. That’s not very smart.

Try an experiment: Determine who you are ready to “accept” as they are – so you can let go of the “upset.” Next, watch what happens to the feelings of trust between the two of you.

I’d make a prediction about the trust that could develop, but I don’t know how serious you are about accepting others as they are.

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

Have you ever experienced a problem-solving meeting like this: good ideas are in ample supply and momentum and enthusiasm are building. The answers are in sight! Then, right at the end, the bomb falls when someone asks, “Okay. That was great. Now, how do we sell this to everyone else?”

Ernst and Young reported that over 66% of corporate strategies are never executed. Most ideas die prematurely because the people who created the solutions in seclusion attempt to create “buy-in” instead of “ownership” in those for whom they are responsible.

WHAT MIGHT BE

The exhausted boss, the bewildered teacher, the fatigued manager, the tired trainer often have a couple of things in common: they are the content experts in their area, and they also have an additional full-time job – salesperson.

The vast majority of people approach change efforts by assuming they have the one-and-only solution. Through persuasion, the hard-sell, leading questions, and even low-road tactics like smear campaigns, these people exert tremendous energy attempting to convince others of “what is right.”

Research says that most people aren’t buyin’ it. Why? Think of the last time you were at a used-car lot and were approached by the salesman. How did you respond?

WHAT CAN BE

What’s the difference between buy-in and ownership? There are many special traits, the vast majority of which can be summed up by one word: inclusion. When people are included in the creation of ideas, when their motivations are honored, no one has to buy anything – because they already own it.

What percentage of time are you included in the solution-generating process? Perhaps a more important question: what percentage of the time are you selling – or creating ownership from your position?

They following questions (and others like them) have been around for years, yet few have mastered them:

• What do you think we can do to improve this?
• Why do you think we should improve this?

Last week a friend, who runs a mechanical company, told me, “When you include people, when they own the process, your biggest challenge is getting out of the way.” 

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.