WHAT APPEARS TO BE

“You mean you BLEW it up,” I explained to my five-year-old who was holding a balloon. She looked at me like I was a fence post. “No, dad. I blowed it up.”

Mom interjected, “If we don’t use words properly, people won’t know what we’re saying.”

Now our daughter was looking at a fence row, and said, “If I know what I’m saying how come other people won’t know what I’m saying?”

WHAT MIGHT BE

Do you know anyone who uses the same ‘I know what I said – you should too’ approach to communication? Their words are nebulous and often require decoding. They state, “Do a good job?” (What’s a ‘good’ job?) They declare, “Quality is imperative!” (What constitutes quality?) They insist, “This is a top priority.” (But where does it stand amongst my other top priorities?)

And here’s an all-time favorite: they ask, “Do you understand?” (How do I know if I understand or not?)

WHAT CAN BE

The most effective amongst us don’t use coded language. They simplify the dialogue in three steps:

1. They share what’s important to them;
2. They state why it’s important;
3. And then the special step: they verify alignment by asking questions.

Here are effective de-coding and alignment questions:

• What does success look like to you?
• How will you measure progress?
• How would you restate these objectives from your perspective?
• What do you feel are the most important action steps today?
• What standard will you use to assess your work?

If we don’t ask alignment questions, there’s little wonder why we might blowed it up.

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

After a recent keynote two individuals stated, “The only way you can change the work culture is if the top leaders drive it. There’s no reason for us to try – we’d just be spinning our wheels.”

These two have invested 28 and 33 years at their respective companies. “I hate my job. I hide in my cubicle hoping they leave me alone.” The other concurred: “‘Just stay under the radar,’ is what I tell everyone.”

My heart broke…

WHAT MIGHT BE

…because these two people missed the point: we’re talking about their lives. Most of our waking hours are spent working. Why hate most of the hours of your life?

Additionally, people who blame others are broadcasting to the world, “I’m not capable. I don’t have the means to make choices that will allow me to create a satisfying experience.”

WHAT CAN BE

There is a good chance that the two individuals above do work for “sadistic, greedy tyrants.” And equally true is that no one is forcing these two to labor in such a sorry camp. They basically have three choices:

1. Bitch and moan – and forfeit the majority of the hours in this beautiful thing called life;
2. Quit – and discover elsewhere that happiness is not a function of circumstances;
3. Regain control by approaching their work as the teacher it is: providing the lessons needed to create and experience satisfaction.

A message to all of us: these two people are doing their best. Is it possible they aren’t aware that they have a choice? How do we help them wake up – without making them feel ‘wrong’? How do we learn from their experience to better our own?

Are you satisfied?

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

There’s a mechanical contracting company in Cincinnati that’s up to something: They’re up to better profits; up to higher employee satisfaction; and – how about this – up to transforming how work gets done in their industry.

Have you spent any time in the construction industry lately? If you have, you know how tough it is. But the TP Mechanical team is stronger.

WHAT MIGHT BE

Too many would-be leaders “think you need to manage people down to the gnat’s (butt) to get things done,” says a TP team member. “All that gets is higher turnover,” minimalist efforts, and poorer results.

Have you experienced leaders who control others through every detail and action? Regardless of the words used, the recipient is bombarded with messages: "You’re not good enough," and "I’m the expert – you’re the subordinate," and "I’m smarter than you."

Such communication really motivates you, doesn’t it?

WHAT CAN BE

They wear orange at TP Mechanical, but more than just the color is attracting observers. Now results are turning heads, too. Here’s how they are doing it.

“Everyone wants to be great,” says their leader and man-with-a-vision, Scott. “If we’re going to be a great company – and make this an even greater industry – then it makes sense that we treat people the same way.”

Are you up to raising results? Conduct this assessment today: As you communicate with those you want to influence ask yourself, “Am I communicating ‘I know you want to be great’?”

When we pass this test, the words we choose are nowhere near as important as what the recipient hears. And better results follow.

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

When does leadership happen? Most people answer: all the time. Yet, when things don’t go our way, when things get tough, what do a lot of people around you do?

“They crumple,” said a friend in the consumer health business. “We need people who can lead and be at their best regardless of what is going on around them.”

WHAT MIGHT BE

When business is abundant, people are hitting their numbers, and HQ is handing out bonuses, it’s easy to step up and lead. Momentum makes everyone look good.

But what happens when the opposite is true? When Monday stinks because your team fell further behind, and Tuesday was rough as your support network evaporated, and Wednesday…what happens to most people when it seems we’re going backward?

Answer: The average amongst us stop leading – and start following others backward.

WHAT CAN BE

History has given a few individuals a specific episode that allowed them to define their greatness. But most of us won’t be thrust into catastrophic or historical events – so our greatness must be revealed in the small moments of every day.

When times are good or bad we can lead. We can move things forward, inch by inch.

Lead right now. Use these steps to conduct your own “turn-around” leadership job:

• Practice awareness. Is my state of mind hurting or serving?
• Build your confidence. How can I be more ‘on-a-roll’ today?
• Create momentum by asking: What is working?
• Lead by searching for solutions: How can we improve this?

Do the circumstances in your life define you – or do you define the circumstances?

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

‘Tis the season to be jolly – right?

Imagine working for a company that is facing severe pressure. A massive re-organization looms. Your workload requires a 25-hour day. And each evening you rest your head on the pillow wondering if you’ll have a job tomorrow.

Some people reading this do not have to “imagine.” This is their reality. In this situation, what becomes the priority?

WHAT MIGHT BE

What’s inside of you? If you squeeze an orange you get orange juice. When being squeezed, what does the world get from you? Under similar pressure to what’s described above, I have succumbed; I have allowed the circumstances in my life to become bigger than me. I lost my grip.

What the world – my colleagues and family – squeezed from me was anger, sadness, fear, and a victim mentality.

WHAT CAN BE

It is impossible to create greater results for myself (let alone the organization) while emotionally upset. In such a state we usually sabotage our future.

While it can be difficult to achieve, it is imperative that we regain control, that we get a grip on our lives so we can influence our future. Here are four steps to gaining control:

1. Regularly assess your focus. Are your thoughts serving – or hurting – you?
2. Identify three leadership qualities that will guide you. Live these qualities in every interaction you have.
3. Create and ask yourself questions to activate your ability to deliver your chosen qualities.
4. Identify the reason why it is important for you to be strong – to have a grip – during this time.

This much is true: This is your time. You’re not obligated to put the ‘Happy’ in ‘Happy Holidays.’ However, perhaps it is the most important gift we can give ourselves.

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

If you live in a cave, this blog will be of no value. If you want to improve your effectiveness in business and with your family, then consider the following for an immediate upgrade.

To begin, how effective are you at creating strong – and enjoyable – relationships with those around you?

WHAT MIGHT BE

Many approach relationships with a “what have you done for me lately?” strategy. Such people strengthen relationships only with people from whom they can get something. Relationships are approached with the “50-50 mentality.” Translation: “You’ve got to give your share if you want to get mine.”

This is how I approached my first marriage. And that ended in a divorce. It’s also how I managed my first career. And I got fired.

Enough said.

WHAT CAN BE

My friend Randy Ferguson reminds me: “I am 100% responsible for the relationships in my life.”  How dare I tell those I have relationships with that my efforts are conditional? I’m either in or out.

Those who live exceptional lives and climb the ranks of the “achieved” operate with high integrity. As reported in Executive Leadership, Leonard Roberts, CEO of Tandy Corp., says, “You cannot maintain your integrity 90% and be a leader. It’s got to be 100%.”

So as you consider the relationship you have…are you in or are you out?

And as you approach the holiday season – and plan your leadership growth in ’08 – what will be your approach: wait to see who gives you the most expensive present under the tree…or give others the gift of the 100% YOU?

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.