This Weekend Tap a Radical Resource for Your Job

Vannoy and Ross

September 1, 2009

 Labor Day is approaching in the United States, a chance to “catch your breath” and let go of the stresses of your job. But consider that your most important work is about to begin.

At the end of most days, when you go home, does your marriage, or your family, or your time at home provide you with more energy? Does your time away from the office make you an even stronger employee? Does your time with loved ones propel you forward in your thinking and make you even more excited about the possibilities in your professional life?

This issue – where the home life is marginalized, or worse, becomes a distraction or drain on dreams – is a huge elephant for too many people. After giving their all at the office, such employees come home and open the door to power struggles, jealousy, apathy and worse. Of course, this directly affects your company’s bottom line, because that same person brings their shattered focus back to work.

Conversely, there are many people who understand that the most important leadership work on the planet is how they lead themselves and their family. “At first it was a radical idea,” shared a participant in a recent Pathways to Leadership session. “But the more I thought about it, I knew it was true: The stronger my marriage is, the greater the resource and support I have in my professional life.

“I used to come home and both of us would talk about all the things that didn’t go well, what we didn’t like about the day, our job – you name it. Finally, we both woke up and decided enough was enough. So we changed our focus and started talking about our responsibilities, our opportunities. In time, this has changed the energy of my home. Now, when I leave for the office I can feel my family cheering me on.

“The stronger my family is, the stronger I am in my job. It’s a powerful way to live and lead –  and show up for work.”

“The stronger my family is, the stronger I am in my job. It’s a powerful way to live and lead – and show up for work.”

This Labor Day, how will you take advantage of the time to build this radical resource – your family?

End the Fireworks: How to Develop Truth-Tellers Around You (Part 2)

 

Would you like a bullet-proof, sure-fire, guaranteed way to ensure people lie to you? Do this:

• Whenever someone tells you something, judge the information as good or bad;
• Or shake your head and tell them they’re wrong;
• Or laugh at them and let them know how stupid they are.

And if you want to ensure your children lie to you, after they tell you something, ask interrogation questions, such as “Why did you do that?” and “What were you thinking?”

Those leaders who develop truth tellers around them welcome all information. And they know that how they respond to the information determines what type of information they’ll receive in the future. Treating the information as neutral (it is only information, and your judgment is the only thing that makes it good or bad) allows people and teams to move an issue forward faster…because no one has to navigate your issues.

Try this experiment: Withhold value judgments on the information you receive. In response to what you are told, simply acknowledge you heard it – “thank you” – and then ask a question that launches the process of moving the situation forward. As you do this, observe what happens to the depth and detail of conversations as people realize that they’re not playing with fire when they approach you.

Be prepared: If you attempt this experiment be prepared for this: higher quality decision making is on the horizon as full information will increase.

In our next blog we’ll cover strategies to assist those who want to tell the truth to others – and live to tell about it!

One of the Pathways to Leadership facilitators shared, “It is often said that ‘it is lonely at the top.’ But isn’t it often lonely in the middle…as well as at the lower levels of an organization?”

How true! While those at the top certainly deal with immense pressures, it’s not just those at the top that could use extra support. With all the talk of bailouts, the rest of us might be left wondering, “What about me? Am I going to make it?”

It’s a huge elephant in the office for many organizations: No one can work and deliver at a high level when they’re distracted. With the inherent pressures of an economic firestorm, those around you are feeling the heat. Yet, no matter the rank, the tenure, the place on the ‘org chart,’ the absolute truth is, everyone wants to be GREAT.

Pretending the pressure isn’t there doesn’t work. And yet, while so many have the passion to serve others, the tactics used to serve often fall short; “Don’t worry, be happy” might make for terrific song lyrics, but it rarely helps those in need.

You can provide an emotional bailout for those around you by:

1)     Validating their emotions and perspective.

2)     Ask questions that allow them to:

a.    Build their strengths: “What is working well for you right now?”

b.    Build confidence: “How have you succeeded in difficult moments in the past?”

c.    Build momentum: “What can you do today that will help you focus and move forward?”

3)     And check back with them. Telling someone “Let me know if I can be of further assistance” rarely helps. Instead, mark your calendar and come back to them in a week with questions that allow them to share their successes with you.

Everyone wants to be great – not just those at the top. Help people to be great by assisting them in shedding the distractions that drag them down.

What are the top three things your company covets right now? You may have answered: money, money and money. But, of course, these are outcomes; they’re not something you can manifest yourself. So we’ll rephrase the question: What are the top three behaviors or qualities your company covets that will drive better results (which will deliver more money)?

In desperate times companies crave 1) forward momentum, 2) employee confidence, and 3) team members with the ability to see, create and seize new opportunities. Yet, despite knowing this wish list, does it surprise you to know that many companies sabotage the elements they need to survive?

It’s a huge and smelly elephant sitting in the office: Many managers slip to the “boss mentality” and create an environment of pressure, fear, and anxiety. “Our margins are shrinking – so we’re cutting everything.” “Where are we bleeding the most?” “Who’s made these stupid mistakes?” “This will get worse before it gets better.”

How do these messages make you feel? I doubt anyone is jumping up and down with excitement and suddenly feeling super creative and confident.

Effective leaders know better. These masters aren’t ignoring the numbers; they’re not using a strategy of hope or being unrealistic about economic conditions. They simply know that emotions determine how people act.

Do you want to lead those around you? Ask these and other questions to create a focus that helps your team create what they want most:

1)    Forward momentum: What strategies are delivering for us right now?

2)    Employee confidence: What experiences do we have that prove we will succeed?

3)    Create opportunities: How can we deliver even more value today?

Success is a result of focus. What questions will you ask your team to ensure they create what they need the most?

Where will you lead – where will you stomp elephants – today?

ELEPHANT ALERT!

A reader shares: in a meeting a colleague cracked jokes regarding a stalled project they were working on. Another teammate then leaned forward and said, “It’s clear you’re anxious about this. I say we focus on resolving this rather than laughing about it.”

The comedian’s message was decoded: I’m nervous about being able to resolve this issue.

Here’s the elephant in the office: Too many offices tolerate ‘coded’ behaviors that communicate harmful messages. Because people aren’t willing or can’t directly communicate what’s important to them and why, they use codes – and create an unnecessary maze that must be navigated in the pursuit of progress.

STOMP THE ELEPHANT

Everyone is culpable of this. If your awareness and personal leadership isn’t strong, codes become common:

• Claiming “I already know that”…communicates other people’s ideas aren’t valid.
• Replying “yes, but”…says “I disagree with you.”
• When you say “whatever!”…you’re crying “I don’t have the skill to move this forward.”
• Fits of anger…reveal “I’m hurting and I don’t have the emotional intelligence to handle this in a healthier way.”
• A refusal to apologize…states “I have to prove that I’m right and you’re wrong.”
• When you lament another’s ignorance…you’re telling others “I’m insecure with my level of knowledge.”
• When receiving feedback and you defend yourself…you’re confessing you’re not capable and are arguing for your limitations.

Nothing above is new – in terms of understanding. What is new is doing something about it. Take this challenge: print this list and have a “stomp the elephant” conversation with your team – with the focus on how you can communicate what you want and why, so you can move forward faster.

Today, create a code-free office.

Where will you lead – where will you stomp elephants – today?

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

How often do you find yourself angry? In those moments when you are angry, how quickly are you able to let the anger go and move forward?

Today, observe how many people spend time being angry. Curiously, these people dismantle their ability to get anything done – and ruin their chances of enjoying the only day they’re guaranteed.

WHAT MIGHT BE

When angry, I often try this strategy: I’m going to stay angry with the person until they change. No surprise, I have a success rate of 0%. And the not-so-funny thing about this is: I’m the only one whose day is ruined.

Anger is not a leadership tool. Rather, it is blazing neon sign telling the world that we are momentarily disabled. And if we’re emotionally illiterate – and we stay angry – we begin the work of disabling others.

WHAT CAN BE

Enlightened leaders know that anger is a mask for another emotion. Those around us who are emotionally literate, when they feel anger, immediately decode their anger. They ask themselves, “What am I really feeling?” and “What is really bothering me?”

Of course, once they have the answers to these questions, they can do something about it. More often than not anger means we’re afraid of something…afraid we’re not going to finish the project on time, afraid we won’t get the recognition we want, afraid someone won’t behave the way we expect them to.

Perhaps the reason we think we’re angry is because then we’re not responsible. Any other emotion means we have to change first.

Think you’re angry? Think again.

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.