Vannoy and Ross

August 10, 2010

Time to challenge the status quo: It’s been said “you shouldn’t say anything about anybody that you wouldn’t say to their face.” But what happens if this guideline is wrong and handcuffs teams?

It’s a fact: There are moments when we are challenged by the attitudes, actions or leadership styles of others. This is a natural occurrence for teams who have achieved coveted diversity.

When these challenges materialize “stuffing” our thoughts doesn’t do any good. And toxic behind-the-back chatter ruins people, relationships, and progress. So what do we do?

First, people with self-confidence who are in healthy relationships with others know they can approach the person in question and have an honest and direct conversation. The key is to discuss what is important and why, and explore with questions on how best to move forward.

Second, let’s end the illusion that we always possess the confidence and skill to take the step above. Therefore, because we want to move forward as effectively as we can, let’s release others to talk behind our back so they can build the qualities required to have critical conversations.

One leader reports, “I told my team I expected them to talk behind my back. And when they do they can still ‘have my back.’ We work hard to create the culture where they can approach me. But I’m not perfect – and nor are they. So I tell them, ‘I trust that when you can’t come to me and you do talk behind my back, you’ll do it in a way that serves me, further develops our relationship, and frees us to move forward faster.’ I haven’t been disappointed yet.”

Who’s already talking behind your back – and waiting for your coaching on how to do so more effectively?

End the Fireworks: How to Develop Truth-Tellers Around You (Part 2)

 

Would you like a bullet-proof, sure-fire, guaranteed way to ensure people lie to you? Do this:

• Whenever someone tells you something, judge the information as good or bad;
• Or shake your head and tell them they’re wrong;
• Or laugh at them and let them know how stupid they are.

And if you want to ensure your children lie to you, after they tell you something, ask interrogation questions, such as “Why did you do that?” and “What were you thinking?”

Those leaders who develop truth tellers around them welcome all information. And they know that how they respond to the information determines what type of information they’ll receive in the future. Treating the information as neutral (it is only information, and your judgment is the only thing that makes it good or bad) allows people and teams to move an issue forward faster…because no one has to navigate your issues.

Try this experiment: Withhold value judgments on the information you receive. In response to what you are told, simply acknowledge you heard it – “thank you” – and then ask a question that launches the process of moving the situation forward. As you do this, observe what happens to the depth and detail of conversations as people realize that they’re not playing with fire when they approach you.

Be prepared: If you attempt this experiment be prepared for this: higher quality decision making is on the horizon as full information will increase.

In our next blog we’ll cover strategies to assist those who want to tell the truth to others – and live to tell about it!

 

ELEPHANT ALERT!

This weekend my brother asked “How did you feel about the poor rating on the blog? Someone evaluated with just one star.”

I was stunned. I didn’t know what to think. We receive so much positive feedback. Where did we slip up? I wondered.

My mom overheard us and entered the conversation like a child who just broke a vase. “Um, how do you give the blog a rating?” she asked. “The other day I attempted to give you high marks…and I accidently sent in a ‘one-star’ rating.”

My mom doesn’t like me.

Here’s the elephant in the office: There’s a lot of people who quit going for it in life – because they misinterpret the feedback they receive. Some people interpret responses from others to mean they’re supposed to quit. Achievers hear what they can do better.

STOMP THE ELEPHANT

How autonomous are you? When someone gives you just ‘one star’ do you crumble? Do you quit moving forward in your life because someone with different experiences, different perspectives and values has stated, “You’re doing it wrong”?

Or are you one of the rare elephant stompers who…

1. …knows the only assessment of who you are that matters is the belief you have about yourself.
2. …seeks feedback. Where can we get better?
3. …knows that one idea is just one drop. It’s not the river.
4. …is grateful for the information. The world is telling us how to move forward – if we’ll only listen.
5. …stretches and applies their newly discovered wisdom. If we’re not doing something new, we’re doing something we did yesterday.

How do you respond to what the world – even your mom – is telling you?

Where will you lead – where will you stomp elephants – today?

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

I just spoke with some professionals who shared their anxiety and dread for upcoming performance reviews. These were people whose performance will be reviewed; those conducting the reviews were equally fretful.

Why all the gloom? Answer: who likes talking about personal and professional shortcomings?

WHAT MIGHT BE

The savvy leaders reading this will laugh: the performance reviews they participate in are small affairs; they have established communication with those above and below them where information flows fully, freely, and is two-way. Therefore, the performance review becomes merely an activity to satisfy HR.

WHAT CAN BE

What does this mean for the rest of us? Build and nurture communication year-round with those we see in our performance reviews – above or below – so that performance reviews become physicals, and not autopsies (figuratively speaking, of course).

Also, in your upcoming performance review, here’s a challenge: drop the word ‘but.’ “You’ve done a nice job here, but…” is outdated, caustic, and reflects someone who hasn’t stretched their own leadership skills.

Instead, use a clear statement that discloses two things:

1. What’s important (Example: “It’s vital that you further develop your communication skills…)
2. Why it’s important (Example: …because this will impact all your project leadership work.”)

That’s it. In one sentence, address the need. And then do something exceptional leaders do: honor the person you’re in the room with. How? Ask them for their thoughts.  (Example: "What plans do you have to move forward in your communications with others? What do you think will be the greatest rewards by improving in this area?")

People are smarter than we give them credit for. What do you think?

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

A recent study revealed that over 60 percent of employees receive no feedback for the job they are doing.  Hmmm.  Do you suppose this number is related to the fact that 72% of the workforce is either disengaged or actively disengaged? 

How often are you acknowledged by your supervisor?  And the more important question: how often do you provide an acknowledgment to your supervisor and those around you?

WHAT MIGHT BE

“I don’t think it is necessary to compliment someone when they do a good job.  I hired them to do a good job,” states a recent participant in a training session.  “Why give them a compliment for doing what we’re paying them to do?”

To some this may seem logical.  To many it’s disturbing.  Is it possible that a person who is unable to acknowledge others cannot do so because he or she is not comfortable with him or herself?  Is the person who dwells in this “might be” world someone who is concerned that by building the esteem of another that they diminish their own esteem, stature, or ‘position of power’?  Ironically, if this is the case, is it possible these people actually lose their power – literally remain handicapped – in their efforts to create a more functional workforce, because they are unwilling or unable to acknowledge others? 

“I don’t have time to acknowledge others,” one might say.  If this is true, the argument can be made that such a person doesn’t have time to be critical of others as well.  This argument holds as much water as a table fork. 

Perhaps people don’t acknowledge others because they are concerned that they will build the egos of others to a degree where the ego becomes an intrusion on progress.  Let’s consider this argument for a moment.  This means that in the effort to create an ego-free work place, this person chooses to crush confidence and self-reliance.  (Note the disengagement research above.)  These crusaders against egos must come off their horse then and no longer complain about people who are not accountable, confident and self-starting – for the crusader against egos has trained them to be so.

There’s a difference between arrogance and confidence.  And we decide which we build in others by the type of feedback we give others.

WHAT CAN BE

A participant shared on the first day of training, “I’ve been here eleven years and never once has my boss acknowledged me.”  Two days later this same person slowly raised their hand and shared, “I’ve been here eleven years and never once have I acknowledged my boss.”

This is a person who made the shift in understanding that there is always a “return on investment” in leadership.  Everyone knows that when you smile at someone on the street the other person almost always smiles back.  The same law guides our language as well.  When we acknowledge others, we almost always get acknowledged in return.  Leadership is LEADership – it doesn’t wait from someone else to take an action first.

There is a difference between a compliment and an acknowledgement.  The people that live in the ‘what might be’ world confuse the two.  According to Webster, a compliment is “an admiring remark.”  An acknowledgment is “a recognition of act or achievement.”

Those who live in the “can be” world see what’s possible by giving acknowledgments that are sincere, specific, and selective.  These are people who literally alter the future course of actions in others by clarifying focus through acknowledgments.  These are people who – not in a manipulative way, but in a building/developing manner – see the greatness in others.  Then, by acknowledging them, they bring that greatness out to a degree that the rest of the world can see it.  These are people who lead.

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be"?  You decide.