Whether it’s a 4th of July celebration in the U.S. or a World Cup Soccer party you’re attending this weekend, there are certain leadership lessons you’ll want to keep in mind. Do these – and you may not want the party to end:

#1 When you’re standing in the back yard having a cold one and the other person says, “Hey, I think I hear someone calling for me,” this is a good indication you’re probably talking too much about yourself. Barbecue Survival Lesson: Ask questions of the person you’re hanging with, such as, “What’s new since we were here together last year?” or “What are you enjoying most about…?”

 #2 Undoubtedly, there’ll be someone show up who’s loud and obnoxious – at least more so than you. It may be tempting to roll your eyes and let others know what you really think. But why spoil a good party? Barbecue Survival Lesson: Low Road comments say more about us than the people we’re talking about. Besides, the person making noise wants to be great; so what if it’s not our version of great. Fan the flames of fun, and watch what happens to your own experience.

#3 Your cousin Louie will probably show. (Or some other distant relative.) He’ll tell jokes that make your nose crinkle, and end up asking you for a loan, too. Barbecue Survival Lesson: Family is family, and messin’ with it only leads to regrets. Acceptance is the name of the game; it’s not about changing Louie – it’s about changing how we see him.

#4 And be ready! That could be your boss that just showed up. So relax: It’s helpful to remember that they’re human, too. You may be behind on the numbers they’re waiting for, but now is not the time for that. Barbecue Survival Lesson: Put yourself in their flip-flops and talk about what they want to talk about. (See survival lesson #1 above: Ask questions!) It’s a fact: People who have strong relationships with one another – work better together. Skip the spread-sheet conversation, and talk Barbecue.

Vannoy and Ross

Allow us a personal moment: In the last couple of years both of our fathers passed away. These men, these leaders, influenced our lives significantly. In fact, it’s fair to say that if it weren’t for their parenting work and vision, we would not know or be partnering with many of you.

In the United States this past weekend marked Father’s Day. Did you celebrate? Our fathers, like most, shaped our lives dramatically. Yet, many things have happened since their deaths, including:

1. We have, to a much greater degree, identified our fathers’ “gifts” to us. Everywhere we turn there’s something we know or do that our fathers somehow influenced.
2. Our memories are rarely tied up in the difficulties and challenges our fathers created while they were alive. Indeed, when such subjects are broached, even then the “good” is easily seen in the disguised “bad.”

Something else has happened since my father’s death: I’ve completely released the remaining upsets I was holding against him. And in the place of those upsets, in the void that has been created, a joy and bond has surfaced that is stronger than – well, stronger than when he was alive.

Which begs the question: Why didn’t I let go of the upsets sooner? (Whoops. By far, a much better question to ask is…) What can I do in the relationships I have, with people who are here, to move towards a greater relationship of acceptance and appreciation?

(I know. I know. It’s about business. It’s about making money. It’s about getting work done. But I can’t help realize at a deeper level: By holding even the slightest upset with anyone it is not them who pays the price – but me. So, doesn’t functioning with a greater sense of acceptance and appreciation make me a better leader?)

No new wisdom there. Perhaps what is new is doing something about it. Today. (Thanks, Dad.)

Vannoy and Ross

A friend shared that he was at a dinner sitting next to an older fellow. The man was retired, and was reflecting on a career that had taken him high in the leadership ranks. “While we respected the man, there was an important disconnect between what he was saying – and what others knew to be true,” said my friend. “He told us numerous times that he would always be known as a ‘people person.’ That he had always put people first.”

My friend shook his head. “The entire time he was making these claims the rest of us were looking down at our plates. We knew it wasn’t true. This man had built a career on being strictly a numbers guy, and there was little evidence that people mattered.

“As I listened to him I thought about how sad it would be to get to that point in your career and realize that what you will be known for isn’t what you want to be known for. And in the end be left to rhetoric in an attempt to shape your reputation. The problem is that no amount of talking can reshape your actions.”

What will you be known for? My friend’s story has been important for me to consider as in the last two weeks I’ve attended the funerals of two people I respect and care for greatly. At each funeral it was remarkable listening to people speak about the deceased with tremendous admiration and affection. Consistent were the stories about the difference these men made in the lives of others.

I listened with awe, humbled by sum of their efforts and the extraordinary impact of their lives. And I wondered, “What will we be known for? And how will our answer shape our actions today?”

Vannoy and Ross

 

 

 

Do you know anyone who proudly exclaims, “You’ll never wonder what I’m trying to say, because I like to tell it like it is.” After hearing such claims, do you cringe and find yourself scratching your head, hoping for the day your tell-it-like-it-is friend gets wiser?

 

Consider the young football player. In high school you can be an incredible success – perhaps even all-conference – if you just hit hard. But if you want to make the team at the college level, where everyone hits hard, then you have to add technique to your game.

 

And if you want to play professionally some day? Then, you have to hit hard, demonstrate flawless technique and you have to play smart.

 

In other words, simply hitting hard isn’t enough. In fact, such a narrow-minded approach is not even close to being effective, let alone professional.

 

Why are so many tell-it-like-it-is people hard to work with? It’s like a roulette table as it’s always a gamble: You never know what you’re going to get. Are they going to tell it like it is…and leave a trail of destruction that hurts people, relationships and results? Where no one is inspired to share innovative ideas? Where confidence is bludgeoned?

 

Or, can the tell-it-like-it-is person also demonstrate a style and show they’re smart enough…so when they speak they develop:

• Better ideas than their own
• The people around them
• Relationships with others in the room
• Greater confidence in the plan being created
• And improved performance and results?

 

Our friend, Susan, inspired this: When someone says “I tell it like it is,” consider that we should respond: Let me tell you like it is: It is vital that when you share your perspective you do it in a way that moves thoughts, people and results forward.

 

What style and smarts will you model as you tell it like it is?

 

 

 

December 14, 2009

5 Common Leadership Errors that Ruin the Holidays

Vannoy and Ross

Think you’re ready for the Holidays? Your travel plans are ready; the gifts are nearly purchased and wrapped; the house is cleaned and decorated; and you’ve been starving yourself so you can eat as much of your mother’s cookies as you want.

Yet, even with all the preparation, if we’re not ready to lead ourselves – lead our focus and behaviors – the Holidays can be a complete flop. As so many Pathways to Leadership graduates know, it’s vital that your leadership increases as you go home. This holds especially true during this important time of the year.

Here are the five most common errors of personal leadership during the Holidays – and what you can do to create greater results.

 1. Insist on getting everything done on your “to-do” list during your “time off.” Instead: Identify the kind of experiences you want to have during this time and act in a way that creates those experiences.

2. Prior to visiting your relatives, articulate all the things you can’t stand about them. Instead: Identify the top three things you  most appreciate about your relatives - and relentlessly focus on those elements.

3. Focus on all the places you’re overeating. Instead: Celebrate every ounce of discipline you demonstrate.

4. Lament all the things you didn’t achieve in 2009. Instead: Celebrate what you and your family have done in the last year.

 5. Discuss how bad the unemployment rate, the economy, and your boss will be in 2010. Instead: Determine the behaviors and mindset (both of which are in your control) that you will live by in the months ahead to ensure the direction you go is productive.

Rest, joy, gratitude, and abundance… the things you crave for the Holidays - are always available to you.

It’s 4th and Goal: Can You Win the Game?

So you do what most coaches do: You play it safe – and kick.

Guess what? If you had gone for it, research shows you would have measurably increased your chances of winning the game. David Romer of the University of California, Berkeley, analyzed over 700 football games between 1998 and 2000. His work revealed that those teams who go for it on 4th down increase their overall chance of success compared with those teams who don’t.*

So why don’t more coaches “go for it” when they find themselves in such a situation? Perhaps more importantly, why don’t more people in your organization “go for it” when they have an opportunity to take a risk and advance the cause of the organization?

The answer is not that people are afraid of making a mistake; the answer is that people are afraid of the consequences from others when they make a mistake.

Just as the football coach has to face the chorus of boos from the home crowd – and the blistering analysis in the media – when his team fails, so do people like you have to face the judgment of others when you step up and try something…and fail.

It’s easy to consider how we feel our colleagues will respond to the ‘mistakes’ we make. But that’s not the point. The challenge is this: How do you and others respond when someone else takes a risk? Do you boo – or cheer?

In a very real way, the crowd of 70,000 and the media talk shows represent your culture. Does your culture support others when they “go for it” on 4th down? Do your part today to make sure it does.

*(http://elsa.berkeley.edu/~dromer/papers/PAPER_NFL_JULY05_FORWEB_CORRECTED.pdf).

This Weekend Tap a Radical Resource for Your Job

Vannoy and Ross

September 1, 2009

 Labor Day is approaching in the United States, a chance to “catch your breath” and let go of the stresses of your job. But consider that your most important work is about to begin.

At the end of most days, when you go home, does your marriage, or your family, or your time at home provide you with more energy? Does your time away from the office make you an even stronger employee? Does your time with loved ones propel you forward in your thinking and make you even more excited about the possibilities in your professional life?

This issue – where the home life is marginalized, or worse, becomes a distraction or drain on dreams – is a huge elephant for too many people. After giving their all at the office, such employees come home and open the door to power struggles, jealousy, apathy and worse. Of course, this directly affects your company’s bottom line, because that same person brings their shattered focus back to work.

Conversely, there are many people who understand that the most important leadership work on the planet is how they lead themselves and their family. “At first it was a radical idea,” shared a participant in a recent Pathways to Leadership session. “But the more I thought about it, I knew it was true: The stronger my marriage is, the greater the resource and support I have in my professional life.

“I used to come home and both of us would talk about all the things that didn’t go well, what we didn’t like about the day, our job – you name it. Finally, we both woke up and decided enough was enough. So we changed our focus and started talking about our responsibilities, our opportunities. In time, this has changed the energy of my home. Now, when I leave for the office I can feel my family cheering me on.

“The stronger my family is, the stronger I am in my job. It’s a powerful way to live and lead –  and show up for work.”

“The stronger my family is, the stronger I am in my job. It’s a powerful way to live and lead – and show up for work.”

This Labor Day, how will you take advantage of the time to build this radical resource – your family?

End the Fireworks: Tell the Truth – And Live to Tell About It (Part 3)

Vannoy and Ross

The cost of this “elephant in the office,” along with how to make sure people are telling the truth around you, has been addressed in our last two blogs. But what happens if you want to step forward and tell the truth to others who you are afraid will explode? How do you tell the truth and live to tell about it?

First, understand that most people don’t tell the truth because they failed a logic lesson: Somewhere in the past they told the truth and barely survived the experience, so they deduced: “Telling the truth is a life-threatening exercise.”

What these people failed to consider is that telling the truth isn’t what put them into danger; what put them in grave peril is HOW they told the truth.

Most people tell the truth in ways that 

• Make other people wrong,
• Infuse dread and gloom into the conversation,
• Ignite controversy and unhealthy debate,
• Generate a new round of the blame game, and
• Leave people thinking about problems rather than solutions.

The most effective way to tell the truth is to simply offer it as information. It is, after all, only data. It’s not good or bad. (People’s focus and attitudes are what make things such.)

What would happen if, starting today, the people on your team told the truth in an authentic way…that inspired imaginations? Creativity? Opportunity? And a greater focus on solutions? For instance: “Here is my perspective regarding this situation… What can we do to ensure this moves forward?”

Such an approach, as the one above, is happening in offices all around the world – and these are the organizations that are moving forward the fastest.

 

 

 

A reader, Sara, recently wrote, “I have a boss who is a ‘fear manager.’ He has been told to read your book. If this manager stays true to form, he’ll manipulate the material of the book to show how he is the organization’s savior among incompetents. I have my doubts he is capable of recognizing himself as an ‘elephant in the office.’ Quite a conundrum, huh?”

First, congratulations to Sara: By seeking ways to effectively influence her boss, she elevates her leadership. Instead of complaining, Sara is seeking solutions.

The task in front of Sara isn’t easy. There are no “magic-leadership-wands.” But there are steps Sara can take to “lead upwards”:

Elephants are Behaviors, not People

It is vital that Sara doesn’t see her boss as the elephant; it is his behavior that is destructive. This paradigm shift in viewpoint creates new possibilities because it is easier to change behaviors than people.

If Sara’s boss, upon reading Stomp the Elephant in the Office perceives he’s being fixed, he’ll become defensive. The “fix-that-person” approach always backfires. Conversely, when the boss knows Sara is fighting for him, trust begins to build.

Focus is a key! Many people have harmful conversations behind their boss’s back. But bosses are human; their intuition informs them of these conversations. Sara can dramatically affect her culture by focusing on – and providing feedback – in those areas where the supervisor is delivering constructive behaviors. This isn’t about “being positive.” Because the boss, like everyone else,  goes toward his focus, this is about moving behaviors forward.

Developing a Relationship of Trust

As a relationship of trust develops with her boss, Sara can enter into conversations where she can address behaviors collectively. “It’s important that we function with greater integrity…” And, “Where can we all improve in this area?”

Dad was right when he said, “You’re either part of the problem or part of the solution.” We applaud Sara and others who demonstrate the courage to proactively “lead upwards.”

Where will you lead – where will you stomp elephants – today?

 

 

 

 

This is a true story, but the names have been changed.  I went hiking with my friend Dale this morning.  He is a mid level manager in a medium sized firm.  He mentioned that their long term Chief Operations Officer had recently left the organization.  After a few more steps up the trail, I asked him what difference that had made.  He considered his answer carefully and with a little grin said, “Productivity has gone up in every department by 20% or more.”

 

There is a huge elephant that is limiting productivity in many organizations, and it’s called Frank… or Jim… or Mary… or Cynthia… or whoever it is in your organization that fits the description of Frank below.

 

I asked Dale what happened after Frank left the organization.  Again, he considered his answer carefully.  “It wasn’t what happened after Frank left.  It was mostly what didn’t happen while he was there.”  

 

We stopped hiking and I pulled out my 3×5 card and pen.  

 

“With Frank, we lost interest.  We just did what we had to do to get our paychecks.” 

 

“But why?”

 

Dale frowned and proceeded slowly.  “I got to the point where I didn’t really care anymore.   I was never good enough for him… and it always felt like he was either scolding me or telling me what to do.  In fact, now that I think about it, I didn’t really feel like I was a human being.  I just felt like I was a cog in a machine that he was using to get HIS job done.”

 

“So who has taken his place?”

 

“Well that’s the funny thing.  We don’t have a permanent replacement yet, but I guess we have to credit Jean.   The CEO brought her out of retirement until we hire a new COO.”   Dale started to shake his head.   “No, it’s more than Jean.  It’s really us. It’s like we’re all new again, like we all have a new job.  We no longer have Frank breathing down our back and we’re free to do a good job.”

 

“But surely you still need a boss, someone to direct you.”

 

“Well that’s just it.  Jean doesn’t direct us.   She sort of lets us direct ourselves.”  

 

“Dale, I’d really appreciate it if you’d be specific here.  This might be helpful for us to share with other leaders.”

 

“Ok. You know, the first thing she did really surprised me.  She didn’t seem to need to impress us.  She didn’t pretend that she knew how to do our jobs.   In fact, the first thing she did was ask each of us to tell her about our departments and what is working well.”  A big smile spread across Dale’s face.   “And then she listened – I mean really listened.   Then later she asked us for our vision and how we wanted to upgrade our departments and how we planned on getting that done.”   

 

Dale started to ascend the trail, but then he stopped.  “Here’s the thing.  Jean treated me like I was remarkable, and I don’t know what it is, but when she treats me that way, I’m going to be that way.”

 

It’s true: The people around you are just like you and me.  They simply want to contribute and do a good job.  They truly want to be great. 

 

What will  you do today to allow and help the people around you be great?  Are there any Frank’s that you need to re-assign or re-train today?