In every single Pathways to Leadership session we conduct, the desire to achieve “balance” is loudly stated as an objective. The lack of balance in the work place is an epidemic, one that research shows has a grave effect on results.

“Among more than 1,000 employees recently polled nationwide by Harris Interactive for Deloitte & Touche, the vast majority (91%) cited work-life balance as having a bigger impact on fostering good behavior than enforcing harsh workplace rules and penalties, the survey found.” (Quoted from Angus Loten’s web-article, Stress and Long Hours Prompt Employees to Lie, Cheat, and Steal at Inc.com.)

Sometimes I wonder who pays to have such research done, when the collective response is “Duh” – as in “who didn’t know that?” What’s equally surprising is the number of people who apparently hold their employer responsible for their work-life balance.

Innovate Your Leadership Focus.

It’s understandable that people feel significant pressure to perform at work. As the president of mechanical organization told me on the phone today, “It’s definitely a ‘do more with less’ world.” But this leader didn’t stop there. His follow-up comment was even more valuable than the first: “We can’t do things the same way. We have to innovate.”

He was talking about business leadership. He just as well could have been talking about personal leadership.

You Determine Your Work-Life Balance.

Fact: if you’re waiting for the conditions in your life to change (i.e. your boss, employer…) before you create work-life balance, throw away your watches because you’ll be waiting for a long time. Conditions may not change, but your choices can. Work-life balance is determined by one person: you.

Here’s the cool news: you don’t have to change your job to get work-life balance. True, plenty of employers abuse their workforce, and they, rightfully, have to deal with the high cost of turnover and poor ethics, among other ailments. What is equally true is that there are countless people who have taken the issue of work-life balance into their own hands by what they choose to focus on.

Graduates of the Pathways to Leadership program know that during the drive home from work they can take a Magic Moment. They use this precious time to ask themselves key questions to shift their focus.

• Instead of, “What do I really hate about my job?” they ask, “What did I learn today that will be valuable?”
• Rather than, “What didn’t I get done today?” these people ask themselves, “What did I do well today?”
• Not, “Why is my life such a mess?” – rather - “What are the greatest blessings in my life?”
• And instead of, “How come the relatives have to come over tonight?” they ask, “How can I be the best _____ (you fill in the blank – mom, dad, husband, wife…) that I can possibly be tonight?”

No surprise, the people that ask the subsequent questions report being “on-a-roll” when they get home – just in time to do the most important leadership work of the day.

The subtle but equally important part of this equation is that these people also report going back to work the next day equally enthusiastic. (Talk about impacting ethical behavior.)

Whose responsibility is it that you have work-life balance? What’s bigger, the circumstances in your life – or you?   You decide.

December 14, 2009

5 Common Leadership Errors that Ruin the Holidays

Vannoy and Ross

Think you’re ready for the Holidays? Your travel plans are ready; the gifts are nearly purchased and wrapped; the house is cleaned and decorated; and you’ve been starving yourself so you can eat as much of your mother’s cookies as you want.

Yet, even with all the preparation, if we’re not ready to lead ourselves – lead our focus and behaviors – the Holidays can be a complete flop. As so many Pathways to Leadership graduates know, it’s vital that your leadership increases as you go home. This holds especially true during this important time of the year.

Here are the five most common errors of personal leadership during the Holidays – and what you can do to create greater results.

 1. Insist on getting everything done on your “to-do” list during your “time off.” Instead: Identify the kind of experiences you want to have during this time and act in a way that creates those experiences.

2. Prior to visiting your relatives, articulate all the things you can’t stand about them. Instead: Identify the top three things you  most appreciate about your relatives - and relentlessly focus on those elements.

3. Focus on all the places you’re overeating. Instead: Celebrate every ounce of discipline you demonstrate.

4. Lament all the things you didn’t achieve in 2009. Instead: Celebrate what you and your family have done in the last year.

 5. Discuss how bad the unemployment rate, the economy, and your boss will be in 2010. Instead: Determine the behaviors and mindset (both of which are in your control) that you will live by in the months ahead to ensure the direction you go is productive.

Rest, joy, gratitude, and abundance… the things you crave for the Holidays - are always available to you.

This Weekend Tap a Radical Resource for Your Job

Vannoy and Ross

September 1, 2009

 Labor Day is approaching in the United States, a chance to “catch your breath” and let go of the stresses of your job. But consider that your most important work is about to begin.

At the end of most days, when you go home, does your marriage, or your family, or your time at home provide you with more energy? Does your time away from the office make you an even stronger employee? Does your time with loved ones propel you forward in your thinking and make you even more excited about the possibilities in your professional life?

This issue – where the home life is marginalized, or worse, becomes a distraction or drain on dreams – is a huge elephant for too many people. After giving their all at the office, such employees come home and open the door to power struggles, jealousy, apathy and worse. Of course, this directly affects your company’s bottom line, because that same person brings their shattered focus back to work.

Conversely, there are many people who understand that the most important leadership work on the planet is how they lead themselves and their family. “At first it was a radical idea,” shared a participant in a recent Pathways to Leadership session. “But the more I thought about it, I knew it was true: The stronger my marriage is, the greater the resource and support I have in my professional life.

“I used to come home and both of us would talk about all the things that didn’t go well, what we didn’t like about the day, our job – you name it. Finally, we both woke up and decided enough was enough. So we changed our focus and started talking about our responsibilities, our opportunities. In time, this has changed the energy of my home. Now, when I leave for the office I can feel my family cheering me on.

“The stronger my family is, the stronger I am in my job. It’s a powerful way to live and lead –  and show up for work.”

“The stronger my family is, the stronger I am in my job. It’s a powerful way to live and lead – and show up for work.”

This Labor Day, how will you take advantage of the time to build this radical resource – your family?

In the Charles Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol, three ghosts visit Ebenezer Scrooge. The ghost from Christmas past takes him on a tour of what once was; the ghost from Christmas future, hooded and carrying a scythe, provides a horrific glimpse of what will be (if Scrooge continues his miserly and cantakerous ways); and then the ghost of Christmas present pays a visit. With him, Scrooge is provided a perspective of what currently is. It is on this tour where Scrooge realizes the endless opportunities with which he’s being presented to reclaim the person he once was and who he always wanted to be: someone who makes a difference.

As you gather with friends and family over the holidays, there will certainly be stories told of what once was: of simpler times, when life seemed much easier, and joy was abundant. And, undoubtedly, conversations will turn to the future; with the economy in shambles. Dark shadows may grow as speculation gives way to “certainties.” People will shake their heads in dismay. Some may wonder, “What is to become of us?”

In this moment that you can be a guide and save your holidays – and perhaps more. The ghosts of the future aren’t a certainty. If the conversation turns to doom and gloom, interrupt and tell your family that the ghost they’re talking about don’t get a free pass. Then, ask questions like the ones below to ensure your loved ones aren’t sending invitations to the very ghost they despise.

• What are we most grateful for right now?
• What do we love and appreciate about each member of our family? 
• What are things that don’t cost money which we have in abundance?
• What qualities do we possess as a family that gives us the confidence we’ll always be secure?
• No matter what happens in the year to come, what are we determined to gain?

The future is not a nightmare and holds nothing to fear – especially when we can seize the opportunities of today to be the person we always knew we would be.

Warm wishes to you and your family during this special Holiday Season! Thank you for the abundance you continue to create.

ELEPHANT ALERT!

In the U.S. we just celebrated Labor Day, a chance to unwind with the family and take a break. But can you relax? 

“It never ends,” laments a friend. “I’d do anything for some balance.” 

Balance: the holy grail for millions of workers. Yet, have you noticed the choices people make? Even when with family some make mental choices that sabotage their experience. 

This past weekend was your body sitting at a picnic table…while your mind was in the office?

Here’s the elephant in the office: A lot of people blame technology for the breakdowns in quality family time. But in the end pushing the “power” button is a choice – your choice.

Consider there’s a hidden reason why some people feel lost and naked without their Blackberry.

STOMP THE ELEPHANT

If you’re professionally successful you have demonstrated the ability to deliver results. This means that regardless of the circumstances you’ve been able to control the variables and deliver.

It’s not that easy at home. Over the weekend perhaps you interfaced with – among other things – pooping, crying, money-consuming children; in-laws from Mars; siblings who just don’t “get it”; a spouse who’s improving their nagging score; and a neighbor’s dog that leaves urine-burns on your lawn.

How do you control those variables? How do you create better results in an environment where there are no promotions, no pay increases, and no recognition? 

And without realizing it, you pick up the blackberry. You clean up a few emails. You make a few productivity decisions…and you breathe a sigh of relief: you just got your “control” fix.

Consider balance is achieved when you can float in a sea of variables you can’t control – and still be “on a roll” anyway. Consider that success at home looks different than it does at work. Perhaps with family it’s not how much you get done, but how much love you can experience. 

What constitutes success with your family? Deliver that and enjoy balance.

Where will you lead – where will you stomp elephants – today?

ELEPHANT ALERT!

Your summer vacation is almost here. The plans are set. You’re determined to make it special. Yet, there’s work to do, projects to complete, money to be made. How could you possibly enjoy your vacation?

Where are you going this summer – crazy?

Here’s the elephant in the office: Many organizations want healthy, balanced individuals… then they create systems where employees feel as if they’re fighting for their life. “Enjoy your vacation,” is what’s said, while “you’ll be buried upon your return” is what’s heard.

How do you enjoy a vacation under such circumstances?

STOMP THE ELEPHANT

Too often people use half of a vacation fighting to relax. This leaves two or three days to enjoy…before the final day is spent “getting back to reality.”

What if you could begin enjoying your vacation the moment you drove away from the office? Most people attempt to ‘will’ themselves to relaxation. This fighting approach, described above, costs precious time.

Because questions guide focus, what we ask ourselves is extremely powerful. As you leave for your vacation use this ‘Vacation-Bound Framework’ so you can transition into an experience of a lifetime.

1. What’s going well at work right now?
2. How have I added value to the organization in the past six months?
3. What systems and people are in place that ensures consistency during my absence?
4. What is my vision for how I/my family will use this vacation time?
5. What are 2-3 things I will commit to doing to ensure this vision becomes a reality?
6. What are the gifts in this moment, right now, for which I am grateful?

Enjoy your vacation – knowing that the destination isn’t crazy.

Where will you lead – where will you stomp elephants – today?

ELEPHANT ALERT!

Recently, we asked a group “What percentage of people work in a place that detracts from the value of their life?” The answer: nearly 90%. As they say in Wisconsin: holy cow!

If you think this is despicable, and shouldn’t be tolerated, we agree.

It’s clear: Because of toxic cultures, because people are not allowed to express themselves, because employees rarely bond with their peers, all too often individuals find work subtracts rather than adds to their life.

A man named Tim told us, “I’m grateful for the income and benefits. But to be invigorated by my job, to think my job could add fuel to my life…I don’t think it’s even been considered.”

Here’s the elephant in the office: Too many people are settling for being paid to ‘give away’ hours of their lives.

STOMP THE ELEPHANT

Doing anything that doesn’t add value to your life doesn’t make sense. Done too long, the toll is immeasurable. Now, imagine going to work each day knowing your job will profoundly enhance your life.

What are the people doing who ensure their jobs do this for them? In nearly every case such people are what we call ‘drivers.’ Rather than being ‘riders’ at work – where they live at the mercy of other people’s conduct and simply try to get by – drivers seek to influence in a healthy way. Here’s how:

• During interactions with others they seek to serve;
• Through challenges they seek the lessons to be learned;
• And they seek as much success for others as they do themselves.

Want to go higher? Consider what’s possible as you develop a team of drivers around you.

Where will you lead – where will you stomp elephants – today?

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

So you’re “bringing home the bacon” for your family. But is the bacon lean and full of protein – or fatty and unhealthy?

Imagine working your tail off for an income that provides a wonderful life for your family…only to bring home the “toxic” news from each day. What good does the “nice income” do when everyone at home is unhappy?

WHAT MIGHT BE

A friend, Mike, from a company based in Atlanta, offers the rest of us this test: tonight, ask your significant other to write down their perspective of the company you work for. Their words will reveal the quality of the bacon you’ve been bringing home – the type of focus and energy with which you walk through the door each night. (This test may be particularly revealing with children.)

WHAT CAN BE

Will you pass your “bacon test”? To improve your score in the future, consider: If you do have a challenging job, how much sense does it make to bring home the toxic junk – only to demoralize your companions, your primary support? What good will they do you if they’re as upset, as disappointed, as angry as you are?

This isn’t about deceiving loved ones.

• It’s about understanding the power of focus.
• It’s about positioning things and discussing “issues” in the spirit of discovery while looking for solutions.
• It’s about celebrating what you have at work – and at home.
• It’s about caring enough about the mind-state of those you love that you carefully choose your focus before you even open the door.

Congratulations on bringing home the bacon – and passing the test.

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

Do you know a leader who delivers stellar results at work – only to suffer while at home? Such people run their family as if it’s "Home, Inc." Their house is a pit stop: they rush home so they can re-fuel, change the tires (clothes), and get back to work.

It’s a good thing there’s no Board of Directors – or these people would be fired.

WHAT MIGHT BE

A person may be paid to manage a team at the office, but the last time we checked, no one is receiving a paycheck for being a parent. There are no bonuses at Home, Inc. No sick days to take. And no performance reviews.

There are benefits though – huge benefits. And they are delivered each time one delivers great leadership. At home, “stock price” is directly linked to “employee satisfaction.”

WHAT CAN BE

Leadership – the act of leading others – is NOT a 9-5 proposition. A gentleman named Roy, whom we met in Minnesota, knows this. “I don’t want to spend Saturday by myself anymore,” he said. Roy is growing as a leader; he’s broken the “leadership-is-only-done-at-work” paradigm. Better results – important results – are apparent immediately.

As we wrote in Stomp the Elephant in the Office (Wister and Willows, 2008), how much sense does it make to give a complete effort and strive to improve your leadership at work…if it means that you go home as a zombie and give your family your left-overs?

Kids or no kids, married or not, your home is where you hold the most important leadership position on the planet. What leadership upgrade are you ready for in this area?

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.

To learn a quick, easy, and powerful set of questions that will help you transition between work and home, click here.

WHAT APPEARS TO BE

A friend, Bob, has worked his butt off for his company 33 years. Now he’s working harder – and longer – than ever before. There’s persistent pressure to work long after the sun has gone down.

“I’ve told my wife I have a jealous mistress,” says Bob. “And her name is (Bob’s company), Inc.”

In the old days, when a man came home late, the neighborhood might think there’s some hanky-panky going on. What does the neighborhood think now – given so many are coming home late?

WHAT MIGHT BE

Actions speak louder than words. When I spend too much time with my mistress, when I put in extra hours at work, it’s not the hours away that challenge my wife…it’s what it communicates to her and the children.

What are my priorities?

WHAT CAN BE

A key comes in remembering this: every family wants to be the number one priority in the heart of the breadwinner. And what the company wants is to be number one in the market place. How do we give both parties what they want?

In order for the company to get my best, so it can be the best, I have to be at my best. And I am at my best when my actions are aligned with my values.

Here are four steps to align actions with values:

1. What are my top three priorities today?
2. What five actions will I take to deliver on those priorities?
3. What will I verbally communicate to others (family and work) in advance and during those actions?

And at the end of the day, 4) Where did I succeed? And what will I do better tomorrow?

Which step can you do better at? What suggestions do you have for others so that the neighborhood doesn’t whisper when they drive home at night?

What is the difference between what “might be” and what “can be”?  You decide.

To learn another quick, easy, and powerful set of questions that will help you transition between work and home, click here.